So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
