btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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