I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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