I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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