Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
