just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize