This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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