I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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