i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
