Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize