What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
