I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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