Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
