so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
