i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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