I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
