your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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