They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
