Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im holly from the hills drunk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
