just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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