remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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