You made me cry and you don't even care
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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