Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
