my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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