I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
