dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
