Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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