Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
