I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
