I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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