I faked an abortion last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
