I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
