I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
