I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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