I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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