I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
