love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
