I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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