it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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