So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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