apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
