So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
