Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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