I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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