winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
