i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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