You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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