i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
