she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
