Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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