i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
