as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
