Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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