kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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