So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
