In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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