just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
