She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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