Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
