it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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