Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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