so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
