thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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