I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
