alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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