The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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