as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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