Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
