He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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