you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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