Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
