OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
