He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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