Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
